Care and Feeding
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This is a newsletter bonus question. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My mother-in-law, “Betty,” desperately needs to get a hearing aid, but refuses to do so. We are constantly having to shout things to her and repeat ourselves, and that has been irritating enough, but recently things took a dangerous turn recently when she was watching our 2-year-old son, “Caden.”
Betty was left to watch Caden while she was over when my wife was on a teleconference (she works remotely). My wife eventually had to interrupt her meeting because the doorbell was ringing repeatedly without her mother answering it. It was our neighbor who lives down the way—and she had Caden with her! She said she had been getting the mail when she saw our son run out our front door and into the street. She got him immediately and brought him back. Betty was browsing her phone in the family room where Caden had been playing on the floor. She didn’t hear the front door open when he went outside.
It’s a miracle that the neighbor found our son before anything happened. I am furious that it came to this. Betty has claimed she was “just distracted” and doesn’t need a hearing aid. Bullshit. She didn’t hear Caden go out the door because she’s deaf as a post! Until she gets a hearing aid, I don’t want her alone with our son again. My wife says she can’t make her mother do anything against her will. Please tell me this is one of those times where I don’t have to compromise.
—Fix the Ears or No Grandkid Access
Dear Fix the Ears,
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to side with a man, it wasn’t looking good for y’all this week! You are absolutely right to put your foot down. Caden could have been seriously harmed, or worse. Your mother-in-law is not capable of caring for him alone anymore. Let her and your wife know that this will not change unless she gets help with her hearing. Your wife is right, she can’t make her mom get a hearing aid, but that doesn’t mean she should be trusted with your extremely young child so long as she refuses to do so. Tell them no, and if you suspect that your wife is allowing her mom to babysit alone, you should trick them into thinking he’s run off and allow them to feal the devastating fear of what could happen if they keep this foolishness up (don’t do this if either of them has a bad heart or devastating anxiety…it’s probably not right to do to anyone but I honestly believe that they would have it coming if they try to sneak and let Grandma be alone with your son.)
—Jamilah
Classic Prudie
I am gay and my boyfriend is an artist.