Leaving home for college is a thrilling experience for many, but for Anju Chandy, it was an escape from a toxic environment. “I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere near my mother. I needed to forge a path of my own away from her influence and control,” says Chandy, who’s now a musician living in Indianapolis.
Living with a narcissistic mother is challenging. Narcissists are highly self-absorbed and often see their kids as extensions of themselves. “Often children feel unheard, unknown, and used by their narcissistic parent,” says Kimberly Perlin, a licensed clinical social worker in Towson, MD.
If you’re an adult, she may be too involved in your life. She might make what you do more about her than you, Perlin says. Maybe you’re planning a wedding but she refuses to come if you invite your father. Or when you talk, she always shifts the focus back to her. If you have children, she may work hard to become your parenting partner, even if it means pushing aside the other parent.
Your mother may not see you for who you are inside, aside from being an extension of her. She could have trouble understanding and accepting your feelings and get anxious or angry when she feels rejected or criticized.
- A strong sense of grandiosity (high levels of self-esteem, self-importance, self-confidence, and feeling like they’re superior to others)
- Arrogant attitude or behavior
- Taking advantage of others to get what they want
- Believing they’re unique or special
- Exaggerating achievements and talents
- Excessive need for admiration
- Feeling envy toward others or thinking others envy them
- Lack of empathy
- Fantasies of brilliance,