Dear Prudence
What was he thinking?
Advice by
Jenée Desmond-Harris
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May 10, 20267:16 PM
Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Nadezhda Kurbatova/Getty Images Plus and Florin Cristian Ailenei/iStock/Getty Images Plus.
Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
My husband and I bought what was supposed to be our dream home in a beautiful neighborhood. Unfortunately, the house next to us is occupied by the neighborhood crank, an ancient lady who endlessly curses at us and threatens to call the police if we so much as barbecue in our backyard with friends after 7:00 p.m. If she sees our kids (ages 5 and 7) playing outside, she screams at them to stay away from her place.
Last week, I saw my husband and kids laughing while looking out our dining room window that faces the street.
I looked out myself and saw the old lady laying on the sidewalk halfway to the mailbox. I ran out and checked on her. She ended up needing an ambulance and was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with a broken arm. After I came back inside, my husband said I should have left her there longer. It turns out that he had seen her fall more than 15 minutes prior. He called the kids over and they all stood there giggling while she tried in vain to get back up! I’m certainly not fond of the old bag, but isn’t what he did setting a terrible example for the kids?
—What Goes Around
Dear Goes Around,
Yes, your husband is absolutely setting a terrible example. “Ms. Meanie is spending two weeks at a rehab facility, and I have to admit it’s been nice to have a break from being screamed at while we play with the dogs in the yard” would have been OK. Not the most compassionate assessment of the situation, but OK! Actively laughing at someone who is in physical pain, on the other hand, crosses a line. The fact that your husband thought this was fine tells me he’s probably not a person who is going to respond with warmth and openness to feedback about it, so put him aside from now.
Tell your kids why their reaction to her injury unsettled you. I think you can do this without shaming them—especially because they were clearly following their dad’s lead—and by giving them a framework for what you hope they will think about people who aren’t kind to them: “It’s fine to dislike the behavior, but we really don’t want to wish physical harm on others or celebrate their pain” would be a good start.