I keep hearing so many stories about adult siblings who always got along, but then suddenly start fighting among themselves when they are about to inherit their parents’ estate. I never thought this could happen to my family — until now. We’re not at that point, but things are getting tense.
Let me give you some background: I am the middle child of three. My older sister and I are in our 70s, and my brother is in his early 60s. Our parents were not wealthy, but they were able to sell their farm 10 years ago, and the proceeds have enabled them to comfortably cover all medical, assisted-living and long-term-care costs.
Our parents always told the three of us that they never wanted to be a financial burden to us kids, and that they wanted whatever might remain when they died to be divided among us equally. Their wills indicate that. Dad has since died, and Mom is at a very advanced age.
All three of us are married, and none of us has any children or heirs. I am retired and debt-free. My sister is in a similar situation. Neither of us is wealthy, but we feel financially secure.
Now, let me tell you about my brother’s financial problems. We don’t discuss our personal financial details with one another, so I was shocked to learn about my brother’s situation. Five years ago, he was laid off from his job. It was just one of those corporate moves, and not anything performance-related.
The worst part is that he was in no hurry to get another job. He was very picky about location, salary and similarity to the type of work he had previously done — always holding out to get exactly what he wanted, and unwilling to settle for less.
He would not even consider a lower-paying job temporarily just to pay the bills, or one that might require relocation or a longer commute. In time, he became “long-term unemployed,” so it was even harder to be considered for a job. This went on and on.
After a few months, he started asking our mother for cash — large sums, $10,000 at a time, repeatedly. I manage my mother’s finances, but I have always treated it as her money and not mine to spend or control. If she wants to give him money, she gives him money.
In total, my mother gave my brother $200,000. While I have advised her that these gifts are not wise, she says she just wants to help him. To date, she has given him nearly $200,000. She did agree to pause this when I informed her that if she did not, she would at some point run out of money for her own needs.
He is now broke, deeper in debt than ever and still out of a job. All the money she has given him is gone. It’s clear to me he is in a terrible financial situation and is hoping his inheritance will bail him out.