Pay Dirt
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Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
My husband “Andrew” and I have a 2-year-old daughter. Recently my parents sold some stock and have gifted her $30,000 to be used toward her education. The money is currently in a trust that I control. Yesterday we received the news that Andrew’s ne’er-do-well brother assaulted a cop during an arrest for driving drunk with a suspended license. As we speak, he is sitting in jail and needs $15,000 for bail money. My husband and my in-laws are now pleading with me to put up the money so my brother-in-law “won’t have to spend Christmas behind bars.”I know with every fiber of my being that Andrew’s brother will never pay us back. We helped him out of one scrape with the law before, right after we got married six years ago, to the tune of $5,000 (which we never saw again), so this isn’t mere speculation. As far as I’m concerned, he’s had his chance. This is really becoming a source of conflict between us. What can I do to prevent this from ruining the holidays?
—Won’t Pay for Another Get Out of Jail Free Card
Dear Won’t Pay,
There are so many things to say, but let’s start with the simplest: No. Not “maybe,” not “let’s discuss”—absolutely not! And frankly, your husband asking you to raid your daughter’s education fund to bail out his brother (who assaulted a cop while driving drunk with a suspended license) is outrageous.
He (and his extended family) needs to understand that this money isn’t yours to give. It’s in a trust for your daughter’s education. (I wonder if your parents had an inkling this might happen, and that’s why they placed the money into a trust rather than a 529 account or some other investment that could be more easily liquidated. If so, good on them.) Your parents gifted it specifically for her future, not to fund your brother-in-law’s bail after his third (fourth? fifth?) legal disaster. Using trust funds meant for education to bail out a repeat offender isn’t just bad judgment—it may violate the terms of the trust itself.
But even if this were your joint savings, the answer should still be no. Your BIL has proven he won’t pay you back. He burned you for $5,000 six years ago, and now your inlaws want you to fork over $15,000 that may never be repaid? That’s half of your daughter’s college fund for a man who assaulted a police officer.
Here’s what you tell your husband: “This money is in a trust for our daughter. It’s not ours to spend. Even if it were, my answer would be no. Your brother made his choices—driving drunk,